For Female Nerds: On Having Nerdy Guy Friends

(Note to readers: This is a revision of an earlier post. It’s been edited for both content purposes, hence my reposting, and because of some atrocious grammar guffaws. I changed the title as well, since I’m planning on doing a series of blog posts specifically for female nerds; you can consider this the first.)

Male nerds are a common breed. It’s not strange to hear of a guy fascinating with video games, comic books, anime, science and learning in general.

What about the less common, albeit frequently hunted female nerd?

We exist. And we share the same interests as male nerds. We don’t have many female friends, unless we’re lucky enough to make contact with another of our breed. Other women can easily spot us in crowds because we’re the girls without heels, designer purses or lipstick stuck up our rears.

At parties, we’re the girls in the corner surrounded by a group of guys. We aren’t hussies; we just happen to get along better with your man than you do because we have more in common with them. Give me a male nerd and we can talk about anything from astrophysics to finding the second hidden warp-whistle in Super Mario Bros. 3.

Unfortunately, this scenario eventually attracts the attention of the women we typically avoid… and we feel their ice-cold stares penetrating our bodies, from our Converse all the way up to our glasses.

Let me be clear: I’m not talking about every single girl who isn’t a nerd. There are plenty of women whom I respect because, while we may not have much in common, they don’t expect me to climb on top of a high-horse just to make eye contact with them. I could name a handful or two of women I know who aren’t going to judge me based on my purple kicks and aversion to dresses.

The hardest part of a male/female-nerd alliance is when the male-nerds start dating nonnerd-girls. It’s these kind of situations that suck. As far as making friends go, I’m already at a disadvantage as I don’t have very much in common with most girls.

So, what is a nerd-girl supposed to do when one of her male-nerd friends get a new nonnerdy girlfriend or, even worse, gets married to one? Brainwashed, leash-bound and completely whipped, most male-nerds eventually push us away, per nonnerd-girl’s request.

So, Ladies, listen up:

We’re not trying to steal your boyfriend/husband. I like male-nerds because we can talk without broaching those mysterious subjects “you ladies” discuss that make both men — and myself — tune you out. I won’t fall victim to your infamous girl-talk about manicures and shoes, which women like myself can’t process because we’re too busy thinking about things that matter.

Don’t deny your male-nerd the friendship of nerd-girls! We can satisfy their intellectual needs, leaving you free to never crack-open a book or hold a controller!

If my boyfriend became close to a girl who shared all of his same interests, I’d definitely be jealous. I’m lucky that I only date guys who are smart, play video games, watch anime and who are all-around the right amount of nerdy; those are the only kinds of guys that I’m interested in. Did I mention that they had to be cute? Yeah, cute male-nerds are rare but are out there. They’re kind of guys like my boyfriend, who bought me this bouquet of 8-bit flowers, since he knows I don’t like real flowers. Real flowers just wilt and die after a few days, making them not only a waste but a hassle!

There’s one last point I’d like to make. I have very few female friends and that is upsetting at times. There aren’t many of us nerd-girls in the world, so finding someone with whom I have things in common proves difficult. I guess I’m stuck hanging out with nerdy-guys; it could be worse.

– KillaJulz


As a bonus, here’s a somewhat on-topic article I found on “When a Normal Lady Chases After Nerds.”

11 thoughts on “For Female Nerds: On Having Nerdy Guy Friends

  1. It’s incredibly arrogant to assume that because a man talks to you, a woman is staring daggers at you for it. Believe it or not, it isn’t really all that special to be an intelligent woman. The idea that having boobs and opinions on video games makes you uniquely wonderful is outdated. Plenty of smart women game.

    I have a feeling that the real reason you don’t have more female friends is that no one wants to hang around that girl who is always convinced she’s the center of male attention even when no one’s really looking in her direction.

    There are a lot of “us girls.” About half the population has XX chromosomes, in fact. Unfortunately you probably alienate them by assuming theyr’e so insecure that they can’t stand to see their husbands or boyfriends talking to another woman.

    Get over yourself lady.


    • Unfortunately, you fail to grasp exaggeration when you see it. To set the record straight, I was referring to nerdy men who are dating hot, non-nerdy women. I’ve had it happen to me before, so I spoke from experience, adding an extra oomph of exaggeration. I’ve only received an ice cold stare on one occasion, and that was when a man went on and one about Modern Warfare 2 while he wife was standing across the room, keys in hand, ready to go home.

      I’m glad that women are gaming period, regardless of their intelligence level. I want to appeal to female gamers, hence the humor about attracting a man solely based on your love of gaming.

      The rest of your comment doesn’t even deserve to be justified with a response; however, I’m going to give you one regardless. It seems as though you’ve missed a lot of the world while you were sitting up there on your high-horse, although I’m glad to see that you were still able to cover your math lessons. I have a feeling that you are bitter for some reason, though I can’t quite figure out why. Maybe your failure to reach plausible conclusions upsets you, and so you take your hostility out in the comments section on a post about NERDS.

      In response to your second comment, I don’t alienate women because, for the most part, I don’t talk to them. You’ve got fake eyelashes, you’re wearing high heels in a grungy bar and you’re gonna start complaining that it’s too loud around 10pm when the band is just getting good? Then GTFO. If those type of women choose to alienate me, that’s awesome; it makes it easier for me to avoid their drunken bathroom confessions that involve pinning me in the corner only to whisper about how they secretly think my purple converse are cool. And the few women with whom I am friends are usually right by my side.

      And finally… I would totally get over myself except, well, it’s impossible. I’m smart, funny, quirky and not afraid to sing karaoke despite the fact that I sound like a dying cat. How can I get over myself when I’m this awesome? Why would I even want to? Maybe you should start the climb to get over yourself. Who knows, maybe you’ll find yourself like me: sitting pretty, happy with the view from the top.


    • I’m sorry Sarah, I keep seeing sentences in your post, but I can’t understand a word. It’s perhaps because I don’t speak the language of WHINY BITCH.

      With that said…

      Our society is structured around a “norm”: Everything we do in life is usually judged in comparison to something else. From psychology, to medicine, to who knows what kind of video games, we form the basis for our evaluation of everything. We judge everything according to an established and ever-changing norm. So, when it comes to people, it’s no wonder you’re quick to offer up a comparison as the basis of judgement.

      After all, comparisons provide an opportunity for you to feel better without having to improve yourself. People like you don’t have to measure their progress based on accomplishment; instead, it’s all based on comparison. Although people like you are quick to compare yourself with others, you prefer not to compete with them. Is the competition too injurious to your ego?

      You need to pick and choose whom and what you’re measured against. This way, you can ensure the outcome that you want.

      So, if you want to feel good about yourself, you need only to find someone worse off. If you feel like being self-depreciating, you find someone who is better than you.

      How does it feel to troll the internet for places to post about your glaring inadequacies in life? Don’t you have some cute MMORPG to crawl into and live out your fantasy life? After all, trolling someone’s blog is the best way to make yourself seem more intelligent than you really are.


  2. Wow, I dont know where/how to take any of this. A blog was written about being a nerdy chick and what it feels like to that person. How it was mistaken as anything else I do not understand. -Nessa I have to concur with your first statement:
    “I’m sorry Sarah, I keep seeing sentences in your post, but I can’t understand a word.”

    In no way, shape, or form was moogles implying that she was better or more secure than anyone else, she was expressing a situation that happened to her; one that has happened to many other nerdy girls as well. – I understand her plight, I am a girl, a gamer, I am very nerdy, I would say I am attractive (I mean I’m no silk spectre or anything, but i manage- and I lucked out b/c I married my male equivalent) but i know what it is like to be somewhere and not feel comfortable with the majority of the people because you have nothing in common with them. Like everyone you find your small group of people you can relate to and plant your roots. Just so happens for most gamer/nerdy girls its with nerdy boys, and yes some people do stare daggers at you for that choice… but who isnt judging something about somebody at some point? I’m judging myself for that sentence right now!

    Basically it boils down to this: Moogles is a great person- I know her in real life, she is attractive, smart, funny, and definitely a gamer. She is not your average girl, and i hope she never will be! Average is boring, it is exactly mediocre, it is normal.. who the hell wants to be that?!

    – oh and just FYI she doesnt pretend she is the center of attention with these nerdy boys- she actually is!

    -Tardis out!


  3. Your post is mistitled… The audience you are addressing in this post isn’t nerd girls. You start talking to some fictional audience that doesn’t live in the twenty first century and is unfamiliar with what the word nerd means, then switch to addressing “normal girls”, with perhaps a paragraph aimed at your supposed audience. You should title it something like “An open letter to that bitch all my friends date” or “Normal girls make me uncomfortable”.

    That said, you ought to give the vast majority of women a little more credit. I know plenty of girls that run around with me that firmly fit in the party girl archetype who have nothing but respect for the nerdier girls I know. Most people have moved on from high school, but it always seems that the nerd population has a hard time believing it. They probably don’t announce it it, but those girls you see getting upset at you? They are mad because they know you have more in common with their boyfriend and that you are going to Damacles their entire relationship. They are very aware of the fact that you have a lot of history, the guy involved has probably had a crush on you at least once during said history, and that the whole thing is one drunken “I just got dumped” from crashing in the unyielding brick wall of a lot of wasted time. You know, the same reason that those girlfriends get pissy about any girl that falls into the bestie category.

    So, whatever is a nerd girl to do?
    1. Find some common ground – You’re supposed to be smart, prove it by finding some subject you can both converse intelligently about. Just because you self label as a nerd doesn’t mean it will kill you to talk about something else for a while.

    2. Stop excluding – You know how you are sitting over in the corner with a bunch of dudes talking about modern warfare 3? Make an effort to bring little miss non-nerd into the conversation. Even if you can’t manage it, you still get the points with the new girl friend and the added benefit of appearing as less of a man stealing whore.

    3. Police your nerd friends so the issue just isn’t an issue – When you see that girlfriend sitting there staring wistfully at the dance floor, send your friend over with some instructions to shake that moneymaker. If a girl is feeling secure in her relationship, who her boyfriend hangs out becomes much less of an issue. Plus, you get double brownie points because your friend knows that you helped him out.

    4. Tell your friend to sack the hell up – If your friend actually manages to find one of those truly awful bitches who need a ton of attention and boss him like he’s a Jew building an Egyptian tomb, tell him so and help him find a backbone. This will blow up in your face, but at least you won’t have to deal with him or the new growth he’s acquired.


    • You’re right; “Normal Girls Make me Uncomfortable” is a much better title.

      I do give women more credit than I do in the post, although I do think the vast majority is a little bit of a stretch. Then again, this whole post was a bit of a stretch. It was an attempt to be humorous by exaggerating my plight. I get along with everyone, whether they’re girls or boys, nerdy or not. You should know me well enough to know that I’m not the type to ignore others; I’m nice to the point of nausea most times. I could never exclude someone from a conversation, thanks to my need to make everyone feel comfortable at all times. >.<

      I should probably rewrite the post to be a truthful account of my experience as a nerdy girl, looking for other nerdy friends, but with a serious tone.

      And I resent being calld a "man stealing whore." 😛


      • You know that I wasn’t specifically calling you a man stealing whore… more throwing it in from the POV of the other side 🙂 Plus you know,the funny…. Those bullet points were more just content of the type your title suggested, never actually directed at you in particular.


  4. I was just messing with you. XD

    An outside POV is always a good thing, especially for nerds like me who are often stuck in their own little worlds.

    Your bullet points do have some good suggestions. Want to write a “rebuttal” of sorts using those points? I’ll gladly post it as a guest blog. 😀

    I’m just glad you didn’t take the post as seriously as one of the commentors did. Eek.


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